I have always found it hard, and I suspect the same for others, to be truly present in the moment. Some call my problem “perseveration” but it may just be my monkey mind swinging toward future or past branches. Often I fail to tune into the world now. I run the risk of missing what Eckhart Tolle calls the full light of consciousness or the real Presence in things as they are. Focusing on the present doesn’t mean imbuing it with only pleasant feelings. It may mean confronting grief, hardship, pain and sorrow. But to ignore it draws me into a false universe of reverie and possibly pipe dreams for tomorrow. French spiritual writer Simone Weil said: “The world is God’s language to us.” She was talking about the only world that fully exists for us, the present universe.
As we age, we carry along a baggage of past wounds and negative habits. Old scripts endlessly repeated stymie our energy for a more vibrant life. We cherish the hope that some magic formula or event in the future will release us from emotional entanglements. We become old dogs who can’t learn new tricks.
Yet as elders we know our time is short. If we are to turn a corner and tune in with the healing present, we better not tarry. We see contemporaries who live mostly in the present. What is their secret? They’ve learned that we don’t have to be engrossed with the past or future. Old emotional baggage can become just passing thoughts and feelings that no longer grip us in the present. We remember the old wounds, but they are only that, memories that don’t interfere with living well in the now.
Dialogue:
- How do you carry forward worrisome patterns from your past?
- Do you put a lot of energy into wanting these past burdens to be lifted from you in the future?
- What would it take for you to let go of these restricting ways to live more abundantly in the present?
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Spiritual teachers from various traditions urge us to take a little time every day to cultivate awareness or mindfulness. They are not proselytizing for a particular religion. They want to help us live our lives more fully in the here and now. Our fast-moving culture keeps us performing so intensely that we fail to take note of the doer. Perpetual outward action can keep us from contacting our deeper selves. To paraphrase Henry Thoreau, we risk coming to the end of our lives without knowing who we are. Were we just a flurry of endless activity?
Meditation practice is a universal technique for fostering mindfulness. It’s a very natural process that we can develop with minimal instruction. Once we master a few basics like quiet contact with our breathing, we can better integrate being with doing. And we will usually accomplish our tasks better when we operate from our deeper self. Dag Hammarskjold, the second Secretary General of the U.N., said that God does not die on the day that we cease to believe in this or that concept of God, but we die when our lives cease to be illumined daily by the radiance of wonder. Mindfulness meditation returns us continually to that place of wonder even in trying times. It includes reasoning but goes beyond concepts to the experience of unity with wider reality.
While we can enhance such awareness from our earliest years, later life seems especially right for cultivating mindfulness. This is not a call to remove ourselves from active life, but a way to embrace it more wisely. Elderhood calls on us to make important decisions. We want to make them from the core of who we are, not from a mind lost in the helter-skelter of rote action. We face choices about health, disposition of property and the future of our families. As engaged elders we seek to direct our energies to important projects in the world. And we long to live with happy intensity. Mindfulness meditation can prepare us to get the most out of our later years.
Here is a short guided meditation toward such awareness:
Focus attention on your normal breathing. Go beyond just thinking about your breath to actually feel it incoming and outgoing. Give yourself time to get to an experience of mindfulness in the present. See the surface of the ocean with many waves like the flow of your thoughts, but look twenty feet deeper where the sea is calm. It’s an image of quiet awareness that you can enter, a place where you can rest at any time. Gently reconnect with your constant breathing as a skillful means to awareness. Just sit with this breath in timeless awareness.
This exercise opens you to the experience of “not-knowing,” of “beginner’s mind” where everything can become your teacher. Many aspects of your personal me-story will come to consciousness as thoughts and feelings. Let them sail by while you stay aware of the wider story, your connection to more abundant life. Feelings in your body and thoughts in your mind will rise and pass away. Welcome them without judgment as you relish the calmness of being fully awake in the moment. Such mindfulness tells you that you are much bigger than your resume. You are connected to a vast network of physical, mental and spiritual reality.
From this vantage point, ask yourself without compulsion what might be your best work in the world. Don’t expect an immediate answer. Just asking the question from this realm of mindfulness is enough. Answers will reveal themselves in the course of aware living.
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As we get older, we are more willing to examine how much fear has motivated us at various stages of life. In childhood we learned about external forces that could harm us. Such fears were a normal process of coping with the world to protect ourselves. Yet in the necessary process of defending our fragile humanity, we established fearful patterns toward ourselves and others. We came to doubt our abilities and to exaggerate our weaknesses. Family life, school and religion may have encouraged our inner fears through negative conditioning and guilt. We strove to develop ourselves and please our superiors, but we harbored an inner feeling of not being good enough, of not measuring up. We encountered life’s challenges with a considerable residue of conscious and unconscious fear.
Elderhood offers us a chance to re-examine our fears and move beyond them. We are less driven to achieve goals set by others with the attendant fear of not reaching them. We no longer need to translate the success of others into fears about our lack of achievement. We can cultivate our truer and deeper personality without too much compromising to please others. Older age can be an opportunity to let go of fears that have curbed our personal enjoyment of everyday life.
The calling of older age is to choose the ways of love over those of fear. If we become more gentle and loving toward ourselves as we are, we can extend this feeling toward others as individuals and groups. Fear diminishes our capacity to love. We often fear others and their ideas because we have not made peace with our inner doubts about our worth. Elders who deal creatively with their own fears can become teachers for a more tolerant and just world.
If you have a few minutes to watch a lively TED video by author Elizabeth Gilbert on fear of not measuring up, here is the link: http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
It helped me as an elder writer, especially as I write poetry. Does it speak to you?
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Without forgiveness humane living would be impossible. From our earliest years we find ourselves breaking rules or hurting others, often unintentionally. Or we feel diminished by the words and actions of family members, friends and strangers. We tend to resent those closest to us for actual or perceived injuries. Negative relations with parents and siblings can last a lifetime.
As elders we have learned to accept shortcomings in ourselves and others. If we grow emotionally through life’s challenges, we become less judgmental and demanding and thus more forgiving. We also distance ourselves from destructive relationships connected to old hurts. Forgiveness does not require putting ourselves in injurious circumstances in the mistaken notion that real forgiveness and reconciliation will result. Religious traditions can foster forgiveness, but they can also impose burdens of inner guilt.
It takes some people many years to work through these feelings of guilt and be able to forgive themselves. Insights from therapy, friends and spiritual practice help us to become forgiving toward ourselves without losing our sense of moral responsibility. As we become more confident about our true selves in the aging process, we are more willing to say “I’m sorry” when it is appropriate. We know when to ask forgiveness from others.
Forgiveness can be an avenue toward reconciliation in social and political conflicts. Archbishop Desmond Tutu and President Nelson Mandela have been elder exemplars of forgiveness in oppressive racial environments. Our vocation as elders consists in trying to understand the anger and bitterness of those who feel humiliated and injured. From such empathy, we look for ways of forgiveness in domestic and international strife.
Discussion:
- In the context of your growing up, what were the main struggles around learning to be forgiving?
- In your adult life what were the most serious problems relating to forgiveness? How did you handle them?
- In what ways might your life in elderhood contribute to a culture of forgiveness?
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We want a peaceful life for ourselves, our families our nation and the world. Yet we see destructive violence daily at home and abroad. As elders many of us have witnessed wars with sophisticated weapons that obliterate whole populations. Whether it’s violence in the neighborhood or suicide bombs in public places, peace becomes a fragile value.
Yet we know that peace is so precious to all life and the planet itself that we must work for it as one of our highest goals. We have many older people who show us the ways of peace. From Ghandi to Eleanor Roosevelt to Nelson Mandela to Jimmy Carter and many others, we have outstanding elders who have dedicated themselves to peacemaking as central to their late life vocations. Such peacemakers also know that peace does not mean absence of conflict, but rather its creative resolution. Conflict itself is normal in human affairs and can be a catalyst for positive development. Moreover, peace must be based on justice and the overcoming of oppression and great poverty. So peace calls for a complex interrelation of personal, political, economic and spiritual elements. Religions have fostered violence, but at their best such wisdom traditions, in the inspiration of founders and scriptures, emphasize inner and outward peace.
As teachers of future generations, older people need to ask themselves two questions. How can we enhance peace in ourselves and those close to us? How can we involve ourselves in wider efforts at peaceful living? Being a peace-making elder is a noble vocation for the capstone time of life.
Discussion:
- How did you think about peace when you were young? Did it have to do with international as well as domestic strife?
- How do you understand inward peace as part of your spirituality today?
- Is there a special role for elders to be promoters of inner and outer peace? Please describe.
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As we grow older, we are more keenly aware that life is unfair and that many injustices will not be remedied in our time. We see people at home and abroad suffering hunger, discrimination and oppression while others hoard their ever-increasing wealth for private pleasure. We view fraud in corporations and dishonesty in individuals. When we were young, our idealism inspired us to expect a more just world in our lifetimes. We take hope in our democratic institutions of justice, but it is easy to lose heart in face of the unrelenting injustices all around us. We desire peace within and among nations, but without justice peace keeps eluding us.
It is easy to lose confidence in achieving a more just world and retreat into a private realm of personal satisfaction. Yet as spiritual elders we are called to contribute to a more just society. While we can’t as individuals solve the great national and international injustices, we can stay aware of them and support groups that strive to correct them. Closer to home, we can uphold efforts to overcome local and regional inequities. Do we practice interactive justice within our own families and with other people in our daily lives? To be just requires the education of one’s personal conscience over many years of experience. Most of us have been blessed with models of caring people who stood for justice. Now we can serve as mentors for younger generations in how to be fair in our dealings.
Discussion:
- Who (and what) contributed most to the development of your sense of justice? Did you have to make difficult decisions in the area of fairness?
- What issues of justice trouble you most today? Do you feel that you can do anything about these problems?
- In what ways can elders help shape the consciences of younger people according to the virtue of justice?
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Elderhood calls for developing an inner, contemplative life to counterbalance many external pressures. From childhood we have been told what to do by others who echo the rules and outlooks of the past. To some extent we needed to learn from external authority. This training from the outside had its role to play in our formation, introducing us to the teachings of family and culture. At times we rebelled against external authority in religion, politics and social mores. Such revolt was a necessary step in shaping our own understanding of reality. But often enough we ended up taking on just another ideology or commitment without making it an integral part of who we are. We substituted one externality for another.
Now as elders we have a chance to re-examine what we may have routinely taken in from outside authority. Do we really believe what we have been taught or are we just going through the motions of compliance? This is especially true in areas of religion and morality. Are we able to locate the real roots of our convictions within ourselves? Wisdom traditions can be helpful here in their universal but often neglected teachings about the indwelling of the Spirit. This is talked about in various ways: thekingdomofGodis within, the divine or the transcendent is at work in all of nature, or that we find our own potential Buddha-nature within our very selves. These perspectives invite us in later life to embrace our true beliefs without fear and conformity. We can enjoy more freedom as elders by listening to our own consciences and chosen tenets. Such inwardness makes us better models for others who can look on later life as an exciting time for freer decisions and commitments.
Discussion:
- How was your thinking and emotion molded by external authority? What were the key institutions and persons in shaping your earlier views?
- Where would you locate yourself today on the path of inwardness? Do you feel at ease in following your inner compass?
- In what ways can elders act as guides for cultivating inwardness in younger generations?
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In this newsletter from my creative aging blog, I want to tell you about three of my books that have been recently reprinted. My first book, Aging As a Spiritual Journey, is a wide-ranging work that draws insights from the social sciences, the humanities and religion to establish a holistic framework for a spirituality of aging. It summons elders, fortified with values from their life experiences, to continue contributing to their own development and to their communities. It is in part based on interviews with admirable older people.
In the second book, On Growing Older, I invite readers to ponder with me twenty-four topics that can enhance later life. These themes range from coping with loneliness and sorrow to exploring inner resources for joy, love and hope. Each section is relatively short, allowing the reader time for personal reflection. Each section includes a guided meditation.
The third book, Elder Wisdom: Crafting Your Own Elderhood, invites you to a refreshing vision of aging in the company of one hundred creative elders who share their insights and experiences about aging. They offer practical wisdom on how we can grow inwardly and reach out to others during later life in exciting and rewarding ways.
You can obtain discounted autographed copies of these books directly from me by sending a check to me at P.O. Box 49397, Athens, GA 30606 or by going to my web site (www.bianchibooks.com) to use paypal. You can also email me at releb@emory.edu
Here are the discounted prices for autographed copies (including S & H): Aging As a Spiritual Journey: $26; On Growing Older: $17; Elder Wisdom: $25. You can also order directly from my publisher: Wipf and Stock: Phone: 541.344.1528 or email: orders@wipfandstock.com
Please go to my web site: www.bianchibooks.com for more information on these books; you can read my new prefaces to each. You can also see other weekly blogs on aging and subscribe (free) as well as comment on the topics. Here is the quickest url to the weekly blogs: http://www.bianchibooks.com/agingblog/)
I look forward to being in contact with you as we explore together the challenges of aging well. Gene Bianchi
“Eugene Bianchi has long been an advance scout in the unexplored region of spiritual growth in later life. He’s now opened up new territory, and we can all be grateful for his guidance.” –Harry R. Moody, Director of Academic Affairs, AARP
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Retirement or re-orientation? Some look forward to retirement, but many secretly fear it. They wonder what they will do with themselves. The prospect of unstructured time may at first be appealing, but it also causes anxiety. How much will they miss the routines of the workplace with associates and friends? Will their self-esteem suffer when they lose a title or are no longer consulted as a valued member of the team or department? With an increasing life span, new retirees may look ahead to decades of healthy life. Yet even with adequate income and health care, the question arises: how can I enter this phase in a creative way? What will give me personal satisfaction and a sense of contributing to society?
We might prepare for retirement by thinking of it as not the end of a career but as a reorientation of our talents and interests. It’s important to explore options in a spirit of resilience. Some will enjoy more contact with family and friends. They may cultivate hobbies and intellectual pursuits. Others will continue their life’s work in different ways. Still others will push out into new fields and causes.
To do any of these things well requires an inner spiritual compass. A first step in the inward realm would be to take stock of one’s anxieties concerning retirement. This can be done through individual therapy or in group reflection with others who have successfully negotiated the transition. For an ever increasing number of people, our extended period of retirement is becoming a significant third phase of life. Beyond maintaining physical health and intellectual stimulation, we are called to interpret this new life stage as a spiritual opportunity. How can we enrich our inner life through the contemplative arts while we find new ways of contributing to human welfare?
Discussion:
- What was the general attitude toward retirement when you were growing up? What factors shaped this perspective?
- How does your life in retirement satisfy your physical, intellectual and spiritual needs?
- How would a more contemplative approach to later life enhance retirement?
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